a life to be proud of

We don’t have a lot of time here. Our earthly lives are short. We don’t get very long here before we’re whisked away. For me, the knowledge that I don’t have much time here inspires me to be a better person and lead a life I can be proud of. I’ve always tried to leave…

it’s been a while

Hi, hello, nice to see you again. You must have forgotten about me, it’s been so long. To be honest I haven’t really written since May. The last two actual posts were written in early May and I just logged on and posted them in June. A lot has happened since May, so I’ll make…

happy birthday aip

Exactly one year ago, my little corner of the internet was born! I made ‘Ande In Progress’ on July 17, 2017 and it’s still one of my favorite decisions I’ve made. It has been a place where I can rant, cry, cheer, and a place I can heal. A year ago I was in such…

on the brink

To you who is on the brink. Today I’m writing for you, who wants to die. Who wants the pain to end. Who wants to kill themselves. Let me show you, a world exactly how you want it: without you in it. I know you are searching for a “why not?” so you know what?…

a letter to the woman i am not yet

To my future self, Wherever you are right now, stop and take a breath. Take a minute and just be. Call your family, if they’re still around. Take a moment and think back on your life and on yourself. Think back on us- did we do okay? I am not you- not yet. But someday, I…

3:37 am

In total, I’ve attempted to take my own life six times. A week ago, I almost made that number seven, and I didn’t even tell anyone but my internet friends what I was doing. I didn’t tell anyone because I know what everyone’s going to say. I’ve heard it all a hundred times, and still,…

let’s talk: sunday truths

I put a lot of formalities up in this little corner of the internet, and I put forward my best self most of the time because I’m way too scared of people hating me. But, for once, let’s just talk. And be real. Teenagers, this one’s for you. My depression is not a product of my dramatic…

your love surrounds me when my thoughts wage war

“Your love surrounds me when my thoughts wage war. When night screams terror, there Your voice will roar. Come death or shadow, God I know your light will meet me there.” Depression is difficult. Depression is complex, depression is isolating, depression is exhausting, depression is embarrassing, depression is dangerous, depression is slow, depression is dark,…

seventeen

Today, I am seventeen. In my seventeen (!) years of life, I’ve learned a lot. Here’s some of it. When I was a baby (sometime before I turned one, according to my mom), I learned to talk, and so far, haven’t quit since I figured out how. It took me way longer to learn how…

you right my wrongs, you break my chains

Romans 8:18 Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory He will reveal to us later. I spent a lot of 2017 lying to myself. Lying to myself that I had it all together, that I was fine after such a rough 2016, that I didn’t need help, that I was doing…